If you have a middle school child you have probably seen changes in your child and their friends since they started middle school. If they are not interested in dating, then their friends are and they are definitely aware of the changes in the boy/girl dynamic. The boys and girls that used to have fun together are suddenly interested in each other in a different way and that can be awkward and exciting. Many parents may think this is just a normal rite of passage and completely harmless. They may remember having their first boyfriend in 6th, 7th or 8th grade.
Seems harmless, right? It may not be as harmless as we think! Pamela Orpinas, a child development researcher at the University of Georgia, did a 7 year study following 600 kids in Georgia from 6th-12th grade, and come up with some surprising trends. This study involved a survey with questions asking the kids about homework habits, whether they had tried pot, and if they had a boyfriend or girlfriend. The results of the study were surprising. The students who had dated early reported twice as much drug, tobacco and alcohol use when compared to the students who did not date in middle school. They also dropped out of school at four times the rate of students who did not date early!
The study also had teachers rate the students on work habits, and the students who dated in middle school had decidedly lower scores when it came to their study habits. The question we all have is what should we do with this information? One popular trend is to not allow teens to begin dating until they are 16 years old. This works for some families, and even takes the pressure of the teens who might feel peer pressure to date, but are not ready for a romantic relationship. This may not be the answer for all families, so some parents choose to monitor any relationships by putting limits on social interaction, such as setting curfews and agreeing on acceptable locations and adult supervision.
The main goal is to have our children be successful and not engage in risky behaviors, the best advice is to spend time with your teen, know who they are spending time with, and setting appropriate limits on social interactions.